I am terrified of praying aloud.  Even something as intimate as praying quietly with my husband before bed can make me stumble all over my words, blush, and generally feel very silly.  I usually know what I want to say, but I always have a hard time putting the words together so that I’m not repeating myself or pausing or forgetting something important!  Maybe I’m just putting too much pressure on myself! 

I think the anxiety of praying aloud stems from my lack of maturity in my faith.  I came to Christ early in college and it has been a long journey to grow who I am so that I can better serve Him.  I have not been perfect, I have not studied the bible or attended church as much as I should, and I’ve come back from many ‘backslides” over the years, so I still feel like a baby-Christian.  I am unsure of myself when it comes to ministering to others, praying aloud, or talking about the bible.  I pray daily, but I do so silently, in my head, where I know only God can hear me.  This is an area where I need to work on my confidence.

I chose to put “lead a family prayer” on my 30 Before 30 list to force myself out of my comfort zone.  I think that I will get more confident and comfortable praying aloud as I study more about prayer in the bible and practice, practice, practice!  Who better to practice on than a room full of family that loves me and (hopefully) won’t laugh at me if I completely screw it up!?

We spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws every year.  Typically, my mother-in-law will ask my husband to say grace before dinner and he always does so beautifully.  I am envious of the ease with which he can deliver prayers aloud for our dinner, without stumbling on words or turning bright red,  as if it’s second nature to him.  In all fairness, he was raised in a much more devout environment than I, and I’m assuming he witnessed and practiced dinner prayers throughout his youth.  When I was growing up, we said grace only a couple times a year when the entire extended family gathered for holidays and I was far too enamored with the delicious food I could smell in front of me to pay any attention to what was being said!  I’ll give myself a little grace here and just say that babies don’t come into this world knowing how to walk and talk.  As a baby-Christian (toddler-Christian at best), I, too, need to build on these things step by step. 

My husband knows all about the list and knew this item was on it, so when my mother-in-law asked him to lead the prayer this Thanksgiving, he turned to me and grinned, “actually, I think Krista wants to do it.”  I had planned to volunteer for the role this year and while I still had no idea what I was going to say, I was mentally prepared for the task.  I thanked our God for giving us the opportunity to spend this day together and expressed our gratitude for all his blessings.  I prayed that he bless all those in attendance and the family that wasn’t there with us at that time.  I asked that he bless the food.  Then there was a long pause… and I asked, again, that he “bless the food for the nourishment of our bodies” (the closing line stolen from my husbands usual dinner prayer), Amen!  It was not perfect, and it makes me laugh a little because I know I’m the ONLY one that cares if my grace prayers are eloquently spoken.  God certainly doesn’t care because He reads every request from my heart, where I pray my needs/wants/intentions are much more beautifully stated!  I know our family doesn’t care because they’re either focusing on the sentiment and not on the words, or focusing on the food in front of them (as I used to.)  Saying grace is simply a few seconds of giving thanks, singing God’s praises, and asking for His continued grace and blessings, Amen.  I should stop building it into this grand performance in my head!

I can scratch this item off my list, and I will try again soon to pray in front of others.  Some day someone else will be standing in a prayer circle as I lead a prayer and think it sounds like poetry… OR, more likely, I’ll stop caring so much what everyone THINKS and just pray from the heart — jumbled, stumbled, and perfectly flawed, just as I am. 

Amen.

My hubby and I watching our home team give us one more thing to be thankful for (a WIN) on Turkey Day! Go Texans!

Our boxer, Champ, picked the best seat in the house (my nieces lap.)

I WON at Phase 10!!